Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
