maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
