The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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