You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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