Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
