textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
