Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
