how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
