I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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