I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
