well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
