where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
