Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
