Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
