i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
