The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
