I want to stick my p in your. b.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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