Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i think my cat just said my name.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
