Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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