I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
