Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
