I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
