Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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