i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
