you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
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she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
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And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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