i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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