Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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