he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
