My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
