Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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