i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
