I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
