i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
