This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
did you just send me my own nude
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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