Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
