I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
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I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
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You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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