i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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