I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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