You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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