you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The feeling are messing with the penis
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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