he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
