last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
