How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
