I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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