Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
