It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
