You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
