We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
