so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
