its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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