Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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