That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
splinters make it hard to masturbate
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
