I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
