I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
