Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
