Her vagina should come with caution tape.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
