i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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