Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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