Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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