our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
