I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
