I think I won the penis lottery.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
