Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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