She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
