they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My life is pants optional.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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