I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
