She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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