Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
