Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
