do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
