I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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