i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
