I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
