Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
