i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
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At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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