kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
