just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
