omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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