I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
