if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
