Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
