I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
