He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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