Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
