At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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