im holly from the hills drunk
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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