My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
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She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
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well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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